Natasha, Canada
SMBC - Double Donor
Clinic: Spain
No Eggs Collected: Information unavailable
No Embryos: 4 x 5 day embryos
No Transfers: 1 - pregnant with singleton
Children: Toby
Today I had the pleasure of chatting with Natasha. Who slid into my DM’s in March 2021. Like a lot of other SMBC, she was asking if I would be writing a book for mum’s that used both donor eggs & donor sperm.
It was lovely to sit and learn more about her journey - enjoy the read!
Tell me a little bit about your journey
“I have wanted to be a mum since forever” Natasha told me ”and assumed it would happen.” At 35, she went to her local fertility specialist and after completing all the usual tests. The doctor felt comfortable getting her pregnant with IUI. But not to leave it too long. Two or three years down the track, it could be a different conversation.
Six months later, Natasha was off on an adventure and moved to Germany. Travelling, teaching and enjoying life! She thought that this could perhaps lead to finding the man of her dreams. Unfortunately in 2018 she got devastating news about her mum - which meant she would return to Canada. After a series of family tragedies, this reinforced Natasha’s desire to be a mum. “After the loss of my mum, the one person who I loved the most.” Natasha realised that "I didn't feel that I could survive in a world where I didn't have a person that I loved that much."
With strict laws in Germany with regards to IVF (being heterosexual and married). In the summer of 2018 (before she turned 40), Natasha forged ahead with her desire to be a mum. After much research, the only options for single women were the UK, Denmark or Spain. The UK had very long wait lists (and most of those people were heading over to Europe because of this). Denmark was not an easy place to get too from Germany. So with Spain being very close to where she lived in Germany - this is where her clinic is.
After completing the necessary tests at 40. The fertility specialist told Natasha that at her age - the likelihood of producing a live birth (with her eggs) was only 14%. With success rates of 86% using donor eggs, and where she was with her grief. She wanted to have a baby and chose to go down the donor egg/donor sperm path. “Whilst this was a bit agonising - especially with my family having some serious health issues. I was under no illusion what my genetics were like and did not want that worry.”
Why did you go to Spain?
“Spain was chosen because geographically it was easier for me to get too from where I lived in Germany.” Natasha told me. Having had a friend who had completed a few rounds of IVF before. She understood that there could be a few trips and it made sense to make this easier to get too geographically.
How did you pick your egg donor?
Natasha told me that egg donation in Spain is anonymous. So she does not have any information about her donor. The selection of both the egg and sperm donor were based on her physical attributes.
How many embryos do you have left in Spain?
I have 2. I did have a transfer last year but it was unsuccessful.
Do you have any books on donor conception for the kids?
Robobabies
Our Story - Donor Conception Network
What’s the most challenging part of being a single mum?
“I ponder that every day” Natasha told me "and every day I have a different answer!” Natasha laughed.
I spent the best part of my 30’s in tears every day because I wanted a baby. I feel like most of the things that are difficult with parenting - such as like dealing with tantrums, lack of sleep and bleeding nipples. These have no comparison of a single woman wanting to have a baby. The joy and love I have for my son, and the fact I wanted it so badly makes most aspects of parenting ok.
Are you annoyed at yourself that you waited 10 years to have a baby?
“I will be if I cant have a sibling for Toby” Natasha told me.
What is your plan to explain about his conception to Toby?
Straight away, Natasha told me “I’m going to tell him everything.” He is very aware of what I say to him. He knows that babies grow in women’s tummies. That there was an embryo that turned into baby Toby and that the doctor put the embryo into mummy’s tummy. He knows that there were 2 people called donors. One donated an egg, the other a sperm and that the doctor mixed them together. He knows that he doesn't have a dada, but he knows that he has a bumpa (grandfather).
I used to feel threatened by the thought of the egg donor as she is the one person who has the capacity to replace me. The sperm donor I never think about. As I have begun to be more confident in my relationship with my son. The egg donor is not a threat - and she would actually enrich our lives if we knew her.
What would be your one piece of advice for single women who want to go down this path?
“You very seldom regret trying something but you often regret the things that you don't try to do. Being a mum has bought me so much joy and it's entirely worth it!"
